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Why Parents Shouldn’t Expect Their Children to be Like Them

 

Nearly everyone that gets married will at some point in their lifetime expect to get children, but, that’s about where the similarity ends. People have different views and perspectives when it comes to getting children and rearing them. Some want only particular sex – especially those in Africa and the Middle East. Others want a combination of both and will go as far as adopting to get what they want. Then there is the number of kids. This varies widely, except in regions where the government autonomously impose a specific limit to childbearing. In places where there are no rules to childbearing, people tend to give birth to as many (or as little kids as they want). And in very few cases, kids come by ‘mistake’.

But, it doesn’t really matter how the kids come. So far they are in this world, ‘somebody gotta train them’. There have been many arguments bordering around how kids ought to be trained, but the truth still remains that there is no particular way of training kids. Recently, a Tumblr user started a conversation about how parents shouldn’t expect their kids to grow up as mini versions of themselves. According to her, kids will eventually find their paths in life as they grow up, there is no point trying to make them into who you want them to be because they come as unique individuals with very different personalities – these personalities will begin to show up as they grow. It was obvious, from the multiple responses, that people bought into that idea. There were different contributions from parents and wannabe parents, and even from grown-ups who had had their fair share of parental training while growing up. One of the comments that really stood out (because it aligned with the topic) was from a lady whose handle was ‘floral-and-fine’. According to her testimony, she was lucky to have parents who didn’t force her into anything. Her parents only supported whatever path she decided to follow in life. For instance, she is an artist, but she wasn’t forced into art. Albeit, her parents supported her career choice. She even reiterated that her dad usually try to participate in her artwork. Not that he loved art so much, he was just being a supportive dad. One more point she noted bordered around her middle name – Cristina – she said her mother purposely removed the ‘H’ from the name because she wasn’t sure her daughter would love to have Christ in her name. For all she knew, her daughter could grow up to become an atheist.

Cristina’s story drives home a very important point – parents should not choose the destinies of their children for them, but support them in whatever they do. But again, this idea won’t be accepted by most philosophers and religious people. Because studies have shown that parents can influence the paths children choose in life and that children can (as a result of external influences) choose paths that are not right for them. Paths that are not, in actual sense, their destinies.

In conclusion, it’s vital for every parent to have a value system that guide him or her. With a strong value system, you won’t be dissuaded by the opinions of others, but you will train your child the best way you know and (hopefully) in the end, you will be glad you did.

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Written by Clara Kendall

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